Soundtrack of my Life
by unique.and.proud
Summary: Series of unrelated oneshots. Variety of genres and pairings. Enjoy :
1. Author's Note

Hello readers! :)

_Soundtrack to my Life_, as the name may suggest will be a series of one shots, either song fics or fics inspired by songs. To any loyal readers who have read my previous stories which include a few song fics you may have noticed I love listening to music and love writing fanfiction and the two occasionally just come together seamlessly. To any new readers to my work, thank-you for clicking on this story! If you continue to read you may come to realize the above :D I suggest that whilst reading these you listen to the accompanying song in the background, sometimes it helps, of course that's just a suggestion so it's entirely up to you.

Posting will be random and pretty much whenever my brain conjures a story and demands my fingers to type. I won't bother re posting my old song fics within this, but feel free to check them out (shameless advertising I know but never mind...)

The genres will vary as will the characters, themes and ships (and the music). I will update this page and the summary everytime I post a new story to clue y'all up so you don't accidentally read anything you don't want to as I know some people dislike certain ships and/or genres for example tragedy and death etc. T Rating is just a general rating just to be on the safe side, most will probably be K. Warnings will be provided for higher ratings.

Please feel free to PM me with any suggestions for stories or any songs you think are fitting to the characters we all know and love. Also, as always, reviews and feedback, whether good or bad are greatly welcomed.

Thanks SJ

* * *

1. A Heartbeat Away, The McGanns. Gibbs centric fic. Jibb-ish. Angst, Gibbs reminisces about Jenny. Post Judgement Day, season 5 finale. (Song can be found by googling and following McGanns MySpace page)

2. Last Request, Paolo Nutini. Jibbs fic. Gibbs looks for a way to forget after a hard case.

3. I Get The Sweetest Feeling, Jackie Wilson. Another Jibbs fic, this one is for aserene :D

4. I Miss You. Abby centric fic. Set between Judgement Day, the season 5 finale and Last Man Standing, the season 6 premiere. (Strange song choice I know, can be found by entering I Miss You (Robyn's Song) into YouTube)

5. Goodbye, Kate Ryan. Another short Jibbs angst, this one is for ParisNeverEnded.

6. Don't Hurt The Ones You Love, Tose Proeski. The story is obviously a Jibbs, and is set one year after Judgement Day. It's hard to categorize but I'm going to go with Angst/Romance - with an attempt at some smut. I was trying for a realistic portrayal of Jenny and the way she would be remembered.

7. About You Now, Sugababes. Tried to get away from Jibbs, so here's some mild Tiva fluff. Set after JD but before the events of the current episodes, so kinda AU in a sense.


	2. A Heartbeat Away

**I know you are in heaven**

He knew that she was gone, knew that when she'd walked into that diner a few months ago she probably never really had any intentions of coming out again. Not when she knew what was at stake. Not when she knew the kind of death that awaited her later. She had been the kind of woman who always knew what she wanted, and at times when he remembered her he couldn't help but think that her death too, had been on her own terms.

**I know you're only a heartbeat away**

He rubbed the old scar on his shoulder, a souvenir from the events that had occurred before she had waltzed back into his life again. As he did so he remembered Ari and the loathing he felt towards him, even now, and once he began down that track he couldn't stop remembering all the people that he'd lost in his life, too many than was fair. Men he'd served with, brave men, patriotic men, men killed in the line duty. Shannon and Kelly, his family, his life, robbed from him. Kate, a brilliant agent, a wonderful person, again someone else that he felt had died because of his failures. And Jenny. The only person that had ever really come close. The person that had died so that he could live. He rubbed a hand over his face trying to wipe the memories away but taking from them the reiteration that life could change in a second. In the length of a heartbeat your whole world could be flipped upside down.

**I know that you can hear me, many things I have wanted to say**

As he lovingly applied the finishing touches to the boat in his basement he let his mind wonder to her. The way she had changed him, just by being in his life. There were so many things he had never gotten the chance to tell her and now, he reflected wistfully, he never would. However, he hadn't ever been one to talk to dead, preferring to leave that to his old friend. He smiled as his thoughts drifted to Ducky, momentarily lifting the pain that thinking about her always brought. He stepped back to admire his handiwork, _The Jenny. _He smiled and closed his eyes and whispered into the empty room.

"I miss you Jen..."

**How I understand you, more and more each day**

As he looked around the bullpen at his team he couldn't help but chuckle at their immature antics. He watched as Ziva and Tony huddled close together whispering secretively casting occasional glances over to McGee, no doubt plotting their next prank. Despite the fact that he often felt like an elementary school principle he knew just how good his team were. Skilled. Determined. And loyal to a fault. He remembered their broken faces when they'd been reassigned. Like him unable to imagine not working together. Not able to move onwards and upwards because of that fierce loyalty they held to him. And to one and other. His eyes drifted over each of them in turn wondering if their talents were not necessarily being wasted with him but rather not reaching their full potential, and as the thought struck him he thought of Jenny, and why she'd left him all those years ago, she'd needed to do what was best for her.

**Your words are spoken through me in your ways**

**and though you cannot be with me, you're never far away**

**You are in the air breathe today**

He walked through the empty squad room late in the evening, the last of the days sun streaming in through the windows, creating a calm that was never there in the hustle and bustle of the working hours. He climbed the steps slowly, his fingers trailing along the banister, a case file gripped tightly in the other hand. He walked along the catwalk and remembered the way she used to stand there, watching over them, he felt his spine tingle as he remembered the way that he could always feel her eyes on him and the way that had made him feel. As he stepped through into her office, because it would always be her office, his steps faltered at the magnificent view that opened out from the windows. He closed his eyes for a second, imagining her standing there behind her desk, back towards him, staring out at the spectacle before her. He could smell the flowery scent of her perfume mixed with the aroma of a sweet combination of bourbon and coffee.

**I know you are in heaven**

**I feel like you are watching me now**

As he retreated from her office and made his way back along the catwalk, down the stairs and settled at his desk he felt as though her eyes were tracing his footsteps. He picked up the coffee cup nestled amongst the piles of paperwork that surrounded him. It hand long ago gone cold but with a shrug he raised it to his lips and drained the remaining liquid.

**I wonder what you're thinking **

**I wonder if I still furrow your brow**

The dark night sky was punctated with dazzlingly bright stars, shining clearly in the cloudless sky. It seemed that once she'd reentered his thoughts she was never far away. He wondered what she was doing now, if she was laughing down at him frantically trying to find a decent coffee shop still open at this ungodly hour. He shook his head to disperse the thoughts, they were no good, she was gone and that was that.

**Though the words would fail you, the times you tried to say**

**just how much I meant to you those days**

As he settled back into his car with a fresh cup in his hand he remembered the tension that had followed them wherever they went those first few weeks when he came to terms with the facts that she was now his boss. He remembered the way that day by day things hadn't really seemed to change but suddenly one day everything was different. The dynamics of their relationship had shifted. There was no more anger. Just acceptance that the past was exactly that, the past. He remembered the way they had progressed forward, slipping easily into that old familiarity. The way they could communicate without words baffling his team much to their shared amusement. The way she could not only tolerate but enjoy his taste in coffee which she showed frequently by taking a steaming cup from his hand to take a few sips before passing it back. The way she always rolled her eyes when he turned up with take out and a bottle of bourbon but smiled brightly all the same. He remembered the times she'd tried to explain, the times that for whatever reason words had for once failed her, the times he had interrupted her before she even got the chance to start, the times when he felt her eyes upon him and he just knew how much he had meant to her. How much they had meant to each other. How much, despite everything that had happened they still did.

**I will not forget the kindness the debt I can't repay**

**I know you would have wanted it that way**

For a long time he had been angry with her. For leaving him the way she did. Without a goodbye. Again. As time went by though and as he became consumed with getting his team back, of comforting Abby and holding her in his arms long after the tears had ran out and of longs nights in his basement with Ducky sharing a scotch and a companionable silence. He'd come to realize what she had sacrificed herself for. It was for them as much as for him. That had been Jenny though, it had been just one of the many things that made her unique. He would never be able to thank her for saving his life, didn't think he'd have the words to if he did. He had a feeling that she wouldn't want his thanks though, she wouldn't accept repayment, she would see it as not losing one life but saving another.

**I know you are in heaven**

**I know I must keep moving along**

**the path to greater meaning, till I find where I truly belong**

As he treaded the comforting steps down to his basement, too many hours of the night gone to get any sleep, he felt her invade his senses as he ran his hand tenderly along the hull of the boat. He knew he had to move on. He knew it was what she would have wanted.

**But there's one persistent question that keeps me coming back to you**

**Was there really nothing I could do?**

**While I try to find the answer in phase that I pass through, you know it's strange but I grow more and more like you**

Yet as he traced the letters of her name, bold, black and glistening in the dully lit basement he couldn't let her go. She had died alone. He hadn't been there to save her. Had there really been nothing he could do? Had she taken all his options away from him? Had she known that had he realized her motives he never would have left her side? Before long dawn was upon him, the sounds of life stirring outside, the light beginning to stream weakly through the windows. He leaned his forehead against the cool of his boat and drew in a long and deep breath, eyes closed, shrugging the built up tension from his shoulders. He stood there as memories came and went, her presence in his mind beginning to fade a little.

**I know you are in heaven**

**I know you're only a heartbeat away**

The ringing of his cell phone broke into the silence, the spell in the room crashed around him and brought him out of reverie.

"Gibbs... Ok I'll be there in twenty."

The last memory of her slipped from his mind as he looked one more time at the name standing out on the boat. He would be back soon though, free to loose himself in memories of her again, but first he had work to do. Because if the events in his life had taught him anything it was that it went on. No matter how much you wanted to stop and go back for what you'd lost, no matter how much you tried to deny it, no matter how much you'd tried to keep it from happening, life went on.

As he ducked under the yellow tape at the crime scene, his eyes were drawn to the pool of blood surrounding the lifeless body of a young man. Pale and limp, with eyes glazed over, his body riddled with bullets but even in the wake of death a photo of a baby girl still gripped firmly in his hand. He thought again about how quickly life could change. It could change in a second. In the length of a heartbeat your whole world could be flipped upside down.

He knew you never forgot the people that you had loved and lost but as he'd come to realize those very same people wouldn't want you to waste your life by not letting them go, not completely but enough to move on because as he knew too well life was too short, they might only be a heartbeat away.


	3. Last Request

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews for A Heartbeat Away. Thanks also to Olivia who beta'd this one for me. You can also thank her for this being another Jibbs :) Would you believe I wasn't a Jibbsy until I started talking to her!**

* * *

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat surrounded in the semi darkness, the only light was a ghostly glow emanating from his computer monitor. He stared absentmindedly at the case file on the desk in front of him, a pen twirling between his fingers.

He closed his eyes momentarily, the image of the mutilated body of the little girl swimming in front of him, raising a feeling of nausea within him, the image warped into that of his own lost little girl. The daughter that he had so mercilessly been robbed of, the daughter who had made his life complete, the daughter who had begged him not to leave again, the daughter who he had failed to protect.

He felt his chest tighten as memories of Kelly and Shannon rolled over him in waves. Mixed in with those of his family were the images of the little girl, another innocent life he hadn't been able to save. The marine's daughter. Peyton Taylor. A beautiful child. White blonde curls tumbling around her face, sparkling ocean blue eyes, pale milky skin with a sunkissed spattering of freckles.

***

He sensed her presence long before she made herself known to him, but he waited out the silence; too lost in his memories and grief to break into quietness that enveloped them.

"It's late Jethro. Go home. Get some sleep."

He let the request slide over him. He didn't need sleep. He needed a release. A way to rid his mind of the images of Peyton Taylor, and her broken body lying lifeless in the ditch they had found her in. A way to lose the sounds of Kelly's laughter from replaying in his head. A way to forget.

She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. A silent show of support. He closed his eyes at her touch.

"Have a drink with me."

She let her hand fall from his shoulder as she turned and walked back towards the staircase. His eyes followed her before he stood up slowly and made his way to her across the empty bullpen.

***

A moment later she had poured a generous measure of bourbon into a glass and wordlessly handed it over to him, her fingers brushing against his, before she raised her own glass to her mouth and took a sip. She sat back in her chair, behind the large mahogany desk, with the computer at one side whirring slightly breaking into the silence, a desk lamp lit on the other casting shadows across the room, and altogether surrounded by piles of paperwork and casefiles, she looked as though she fitted, like this was where she belonged. She looked like somebody who was confident in their own abilities, someone who knew what they wanted and more importantly knew how to get it. She was a different Jen from the one he had known all those years ago but as she sent him a fleeting smile she seemed oddly the same too.

He had noticed a subtle change in their relationship recently. A shift in balance. Something he couldn't describe or explain. It was just that something was different, an irreversible transformation was occurring. Things were never going to be the way they used to be.

He turned the glass in his hand before gradually lifting it to his lips and downing the amber liquid in one. Revelling in the burning sensation the cool alcohol sent down his throat.

The pictures were still playing in his mind, snap-shot after snap-shot, alternating between the body of the little girl who had brought the painful memories to the surface and the painful memories themselves, all the while the sounds of Kelly's angelic giggling was becoming louder in his head with every second that passed.

They sat in continued silence, both content to sit in the others presence without a word.

He stood up abruptly, but if she was startled by his sudden movements she didn't show it in any way. He placed the glass that had occupied his hands onto the desk before making his way to the door. She seemed to glide behind him but succeeded in reaching the door before him.

"Go home Jethro. Get some sleep."

He turned to face her, his hand hovering over hers on the doorknob. Her expression was soft, her body language tired but something in her eyes pulled him in closer.

"Thanks for the drink Jen," he whispered as his lips brushed against her ear before grazing her lips.

**Slow down, lie down  
Remember it's just you and me  
Don't sell out, bow out  
Remember how this used to be  
I just want you closer, is that alright?  
Baby let's get closer, tonight  
**

His lips remained over hers for a few seconds, his eyes closed, the memories and pain ebbing away as a tingle ran down his spine at the sensations that she aroused deep inside of him. His tongue traced her lip and nibbled gentling seeking entrance. He wrapped one arm around her waist drawing her body in closer to him, whilst the other wound around her neck as his fingers trailed lazily through her hair. He coaxed her lips apart and his tongue explored the crevices of her mouth, reacquainting himself. He felt her relax against his body as she gave in to his need, his need to forget. Her tongue ran across his as she began to respond; it began slowly, gentle and sensuous but as his desire to forget began to overwhelm him it became frenzied and hurried, a battle for dominance, an exhilarating sensation that left them both breathless as they pulled apart, foreheads resting against each other. She placed a hand over his chest and felt the steady beat of his heart beneath her fingers. He tilted her chin upwards with his thumb whilst trailing his fingers down her cheek, he gazed into her eyes and they were locked in a wordless conversation, an understanding of his need, and the reassurance of her desire to help him. She looked away first as the hand over his heart moved to his top button, the other rising to assist.

**  
Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders  
Lay down beside me  
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere  
But one last time let's go there  
Lay down beside me, ohhh**

"Jen..."

As he breathed her name, her hands on his buttons faltered as though her memories had caught up with her. Her own ghosts of the past come to chase her. Her fingers trembled and he raised his own rough calloused hands and clasped them around hers.

He knew that she was reliving memories she had tried the better part of a decade to forget. He knew she was thinking about the longer term complications if they followed the path they were on. He knew that if they did this, things couldn't ever, wouldn't ever go back to the way they were, once upon a time ago. He knew that this would be the end for them rather than the beginning. He knew that every second she stood this close but without feeling her body pressed against his, without her lips on his body, without the promise that they would fall over the edge into oblivion together, the pictures in mind would chew at him more and more and he knew he needed a way to forget or else they would tear him apart inside.

And as he looked into her eyes, he sensed that she could follow his thoughts and as she leaned forward to plant a gentle kiss on his cheek whilst continuing to unbutton his shirt, he felt a surge of gratitude, of appreciation, of something he couldn't describe for her, but as she eased the shirt from his shoulders and her fingers trailed across his bare skin he forgot to relay these feelings to her and instead gave himself over to forgetting.

**I've found that I'm bound to wander down that lonely road, ohhh  
And I realise all about your lies,  
But I'm no wiser than the fool that I was before.  
I just want you closer, is that alright?  
Baby let's get closer, tonight.**

She was leaned up against the thick wooden door, her legs wrapped around his waist, his strong arms supported her as he urged himself forward, lost in a blaze of pain, grief and regret. Their actions had become hurried and desperate, her skirt was hitched up around her waist whilst his pants were pooled around his feet. As the past few days pain and suffering began to fade away and as the images of Shannon and Kelly retreated back into the depths of his memories he was spurred on further, seeking that final release, that moment where he would forget everything, where he and Jen would stand alone as the world around them dissolved into darkness as they came together. It would be a short respite, a part time solution, but as he felt that familiar feeling building up from his toes and travel up his body, with a dizzying rush he let that fact go, he let go of past. Of his family, of his countless failed marriages, of Jen and the way they once were, of how that could never be again.

**Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders  
Lay down beside me  
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere  
But one last time let's go there  
Lay down beside me, ohhh**

**  
**His body was moving on its own accord, responding to Jenny's frantic movements and moans of pleasure. As he looked one final time into her eyes and caught her gazing back, the world seemed a little bit clearer and for a split second everything made sense. Then her head fell forward on his shoulder as she bit into his skin, a bolt of lightning shot through his body and with one final thrust they came together, lost in each other, in this moment.

**  
Baby, baby, baby  
Tell me how can, how can this be wrong?  
**

He continued to support her against the door until her body stopped trembling. Their breathing was ragged, a thin sheath of sweat encased them, their hearts pounded in their chests reverberating around their bodies, their combined scent rife in the air around them. Coming down from their high they locked eyes and she send him a brief smile before laying her head back against the doors drawing in a deep breath.

**Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders  
Lay down beside me  
Sure I can accept that we're going nowhere  
But one last time let's go there  
Lay down beside me  
**

They disentangled themselves from each other and got redressed in a comfortable silence. Jenny poured them both another glass of bourbon, her hands still shaking slightly. He moved over beside her and traced a hand down her back, picking up the glass and downing the liquid just as before. She smiled again, and laid a hand on his cheek, still sleek with salty sweat. Her eyes were filled with a kind of bittersweet happiness. He brought his own hand up to his face to cover hers, once again communicating without words his thanks.

"Go home Jethro. Get some sleep."

**  
Grant my last request and just let me hold you, don't shrug your shoulders  
Lay down beside me  
And sure I can accept that we're going nowhere  
But one last time let's go there  
Lay down beside me, ohhh**

He turned and made his way to the door, this time reaching out and turning the handle whilst she stood rooted to the spot watching him leave. He was aware that something had changed and that it had been on the verge of happening for quite some time, that maybe tonight in his time of need, when he needed to forget, needed a release from the memories that haunted him they had both been able to give into each other one last time so that the change could happen, so that they could both move on.

**ooohhhh wohhhhohhh, yeah  
Lay down beside me  
One last time let's go there,  
Lay down beside me.**

As he stepped out of her office, he turned to see that smile still playing on her lips, he opened his mouth to say thank-you one last time for taking him to the place he needed to be to forget. She cocked her head and he couldn't fail to send her a weary smile before he turned on his heel and left.


	4. I Get The Sweetest Feeling

**A/N: This one is for aserene, hope you like it :)**

* * *

**Mmmmmmmmmm  
The closer you get  
The better you look baby  
**

He was captivated by the way her body moved as she made her way back towards him. She was teasing him with every step she took, with the seductive sway of her hips and brightly sparkling emerald eyes, full of intent and purpose. She was wearing a thin silk black camisole and a matching pair of black lace panties. The camisole was clinging to her body just the right way and made a startling contrast to her pale creamy skin. Her long legs stretched on forever, ending with a pair of soft smooth feet defined with black glinting polish coating her toenails.

**The better you look  
The more I want you**

His eyes took in every inch of her body, working his way from top to bottom; he followed the natural curves of her legs, to her hips and the way they moved in perfect harmony with the music playing gently in the background, her slim arms joined the rest of her body in moving in time to the beat of the music, her slender waist with a thin strip of pale flesh exposed as the silk rode up with each step. Moving up was her chest, the outline of her ribcage faintly visible through the thin fabric that covered her, he watched it rise and fall in time with her breathing, from there his eyes trailed the curved mounds of her breasts, then upwards to her delicate neck, and finally he settled on her face, her rust hair falling in loose tumbles around her face, framing it, the subtle natural highlights offsetting her eyes, which were crinkled in laughter as she watched him try to contain himself.

**When you turn on your smile  
I feel my heart go wild**

Her lips were curved upward into an easy smile, relaxing all the muscles in her face, enhancing her beauty and creating an even more overwhelming desire inside of him. He pushed himself quickly off the bed and pulled her towards him with his hands around her waist. She giggled sweetly, a far cry from her business only Director facade, and he felt his heartbeat steadily get a little faster. Her own arms wrapped around his neck, her fingers fanning out across his back, sending shivers down his spine. He pressed himself flush against her body and it was the only invitation she needed to graze her lips against his, her hand sneaking its way up his neck, her fingers nestling in his hair.

**I'm like a child with a brand new toy  
And I get the  
Sweetest feeling  
Honey the Sweetest (Sweetest Feeling)  
Baby the Sweetest (Sweetest Feeling)  
Loving you, ya**

He loved unwrapping her piece by piece, starting off slowly, just holding her in his arms embracing her in a passionate kiss. He loved the way she felt in his arms. He loved the way his lips stifled the moans escaping her mouth as he trailed his fingers up her sides and along her collar bone. Then the way her head lolled back gently as he placed a gentle kiss on her suprasternal notch and followed it up with a path of tiny and fluttering kisses along the side of her neck, nibbling lightly on her ear, before he turned his attention back to her mouth and her soft lips, the faint scent of coffee still lingering. He loved the way that he became aroused just by exploring her body, just by mapping out every inch of Jenny Shepard and committing it all to memory.

**The warmer your kiss  
The deeper you touch me baby**

He pulled back from her slightly, his forehead leaning against hers as he gazed into her mesmerising eyes, they were dark with passion and he felt like he was going to get lost in them forever. He dragged a thumb over her cheekbone and cupped her face in his other hand. He lowered his lips to hers again, his fingers finding their way to the hem of her camisole, he drew the garment up her body, the smooth silk flowing easily, breaking the kiss for just a moment as he slipped it over her head and discarded it, his fingers trailing back down the flanks of her body arching her in closer to him. He could feel the goosebumps rise over her sensitized skin beneath the movements his hands tortured her slowly and sensuously with. She slipped her underwear down so that it pooled around her feet and she stepped out of them pushing him one step closer to the bed. He quickly divested himself of his boxers and sat down pulling their bodies together as one onto the soft mattress.

**The deeper your touch  
The more you thrill me**

He flipped her over so that he was straddling her. His mouth dropped a trail of kisses along the underside of her chin then down her neck and breastbone, then he began to kiss and caress each breast in turn. His fingers flickered to her centre, his steady and rhythmic movement edging her closer to the point of no return. She pressed open mouthed kisses onto his shoulder biting down on his skin as a wave of pleasure rocked her body. As the budding need within him grew he reached up to kiss her, his arousal pressing against her and she breathed his name, her voice breaking with desire.

"Jethro..."

He made a final path of kisses down her torso whilst withdrawing his fingers and settling himself. Now he could feel his own need rising with every moan that escaped her lips. He dragged his lips away from her breast moving to her face, his lips hovering above hers as he slid into her. She lifted her hips to meet his thrust, a movement that sent a wave of sensations through his body.

He picked up the pace, slowly at first but becoming quicker as their hunger for each other intensified. They were moving as one, she invaded his every sense and overtook his mind. He buried his head in her shoulder, as he felt the familiar pressure built up from his toes, as the intensity increased their movements became more thrashing and wild. She cried in pleasure with a final thrust that pushed her over the edge and she came apart underneath him. A heartbeat later he joined her in oblivion as his climax rippled undeterred through his body.

**It's more than I can stand  
Girl, when you hold my hand  
I feel so grand  
That I could cry  
**

Then lay side by side, tired and sated, their bodies still slick with sweat. Their breathing was deliberate, a ragged edge still remaining, their heartbeats thundering in their chests and pounding in their ears. She smiled sleepily before reaching over to place a soft and gentle kiss on his lips, before she shuffled her body around in the bed turning on her side, tugging the sheets free from his body and taking them with her. He too turned himself onto his side, his head propped up with his hand watching her ribcage go back to a slower rhythm and listening to the steady way her breath leveled out and returned to normal. He just lay watching her, following the tiny beads of sweat that still glistened in the moonlight that trickled through the blinds into the otherwise dark room. He sidled closer to her, feeling her warmth emanating from her body, he draped an arm around her waist and closed his eyes. He felt her pick up his hand in her own and interlocking their arms she intertwined their fingers on top of each other, before placing his hand onto her abdomen, allowing it to rise and fall with her steady breath.

**And I get the (Sweetest Feeling)  
Moma the sweetest (Sweetest Feeling)  
Baby the sweetest (Sweetest Feeling)  
Loving you  
**

Feeling the smooth ebb and flow of her breathing calmed his senses and he felt his body relax and give into the sleep that was calling him. His mind travelled through the past highlighting the moments that had brought them to this place. The snapshots in time brought him peace and encouraged the sleep to come to his fatigued body. His eyelids were becoming heavy over his eyes, the memories fading as sleep overtook his brain. He leaned forward and planted a final soft kiss in between her shoulder blades.

**Uhh The greater your love  
The stronger you hold me baby  
The stronger your hold  
The more I need You.**

He stirred awake as she squeezed his hand gently. The sheets rustled as she wriggled around and turned her body so that she was facing him.

"Morning" she smiled.

Her hair was sleep tousled, and her expression was still sleepy, her eyelids kept fluttering open and closed against the sunlight streaming into the room. She brought her hand up to his torso, her fingers tracing little circles on his chest, then running in lines between the scars that were prevalent over his toned body. She leaned forward and lightly kissed the spot above his heart and moved her hand over it. She could feel the steady beat underneath her fingers and as she dragged her fingers slowly down his front, he caught her hand with his as they reached his stomach. He raised his hand to her lips and kissed her fingertips in turn, his piercing blue eyes never leaving hers.

**  
With every passing day  
I love you more in everyway  
I'm in love to stay  
And I wanna say**

He rolled onto his back, pulling her with him. She adjusted her body and lay her head on his chest, one hand reaching across his tanned body, his muscles ripping beneath her touch until she clasped his hand and held it in hers. He kissed the crown of her head and allowed his trailing fingers to follow through her loose curls, soothingly untangling the knots. She closed her eyes again, content that it wasn't a work day, suffice enough reason to stay in bed all day. The sun became brighter outside the window and the rest of the world began to wake up as they gave in to the incessant pull of sleep.

He loved the feeling he got knowing that she would fall asleep in his arms again, waking only when the smell of fresh coffee and buttered toasted roused her from her dreams. He loved the feeling he got knowing that when they eventually saw fit to get out of bed they would go outside and enjoy the warmth of the sun for a peaceful few hours, settled outside with the daily newspapers, a bottle of chilled wine and a bowl of cool strawberries, before inevitably falling back into bed again. He loved the feeling he got knowing that she loved him. He loved the feeling he got just by loving her.

****

I get the (Sweetest Feeling)  
Baby the sweetest (Sweetest Feeling)  
Honey the sweetest (Sweetest Feeling)  
Loving You

**  
Aw (Sweetest Feeling)  
Baby the sweetest (Sweetest Feeling)  
Sweetest**


	5. I Miss You

**A/N: Ok this song selection may need explanation, so here it is: when I was a little kid I loved Tom and Jerry, as most little kids do! - this song, I Miss You (Robyn's Song), comes from the Tom and Jerry movie and was for reasons unknown stuck on replay in my head the other day, this was the result... :) Random I know but I never said I was normal! :D**

* * *

Abby looked around her lab with regret.

There was no Tony, no cheery smiles and no annoying movie references.

There was no Ziva, no mixed up and confused idioms and no kick ass style and an attitude that set Tony firmly in his place.

There was no McGee, no assistance in the lab when the work overwhelmed her and no one to share gossip with.

Sure she still had Gibbs and Ducky, but it wasn't the same without _them._

_**Do I miss you?**_

She gently caressed the photos that plastered the wall and held mop Tony and Ziva tightly in her arms. She threw a fleeting glance at the clock, noting with dissatisfaction that it was still another couple of hours till lunchtime, another couple of hours until she could see Timmy.

Major Mass Spec beeped behind her, she sent a soft smile in the direction of the wall dedicated to them, "I miss you guys" she whispered before she turned on her heel, jacked up the volume of her music and went back to work.

_**Count the stars, multiply by ten. Course I do, more than now and then.**_

She knew that Gibbs was working on it. She knew that McGee was only a building away. She knew that Vance wouldn't continue his reign of power for long. She knew they would be back, and that they'd be a team again. She smiled happily at the thought.

She missed them so much though, she thought about them more often than not. She stamped her foot angrily and grabbed Bert giving him a tight squeeze and confided to the loved stuffed animal, "I want them back Bert."_**  
**_

_**I could paint a rainbow, shine the sky, set the stars in space, faster than explain how much I miss your face.**_

The elevator doors announced the arrival of a visitor and she knew it was him before she's even turned around.

"Gibbs" she squealed in delight, throwing her arms around him and noticing that he enveloped her into his embrace for just a second longer than usual before gently disentangling her and offering her a Caf-Pow, which she greedily took with a thanks.

"Everything ok Abs?"

"You don't know how much I miss them Gibbs" she murmured, biting back the tears that threatened to fall. _**  
**_

_**Watch the moon someday soon He will start to smile. When I say "I'll see you in a while."**_

She allowed herself to be drawn into another hug, and nuzzled the side of her face into his chest contentedly listening to his steady and rhythmical heartbeat. He planted a soft kiss on the crown of her head and waited while she gathered herself together before she pushed herself away from him.

"I'll get them back soon Abby."

"You promise?"

He smiled ruefully, "I promise."_**  
**_

_**But 'til then I miss you. Dry my tears, hide my fears away.**_

She nodded and sent him a reassuring smile before she turned back to her babies, who demanded her attention.

She felt his eyes on her back for a few minutes longer, she couldn't turn around though, and so she conscientiously continued her work.

She heard his retreating footsteps a while later and at the swishing sounds of the elevator doors closing, she let out a defeated sigh, her shoulder slumping, she swiped away the tears with the back of her palm, turning her attention back to her photos.

"You hear that? He's gonna get you back soon" _**  
**_

_**Until that happy day, to the rainbow's end is where I would go, my friend, I do miss you so.**_

"Gibbs, you were only down here like--" she stopped mid sentence as she spun around to face him.

"Timmy!" she screeched.

"Wow! Hey Abs" he muttered with the little breath he had left as she collided into him, a blurry mass of black and tartan.

"Come say hello to mop Tony and Ziva" she enthused tugging at his hand.

"I said hello to them yesterday Abby" he complained.

"McGee." She sent him a stern look.

"Ok. Ok." He conceded, allowing himself to be drawn over to the wall by the Goth.

They stood in front of the wall covered in photos and the two mops propped up against it.

"Ow" he cried looking down at their hands as she crunched his fingers in hers. He looked up to meet her poignant glare.

"Hi Tony. Hi Ziva." He mumbled.

She cuddled into him, her hand still clasped in his.

"Gibbs promised he'd get them back soon Timmy."

"He will."

"I know"


	6. Goodbye

_A/N: This one is for ParisNeverEnded. Story doesn't fit the lyrics exactly but hope you enjoy it anyway.  
_

* * *

**Visions about you bring tears to my eyes  
All that surrounds you were secrets and lies  
You were my strength, you were my dream  
We were a perfect team  
**

Leroy Jethro Gibbs sat on the park bench absorbed in his thoughts, his thoughts of her. He felt his body was too calm compared to the chaos that reigned inside his mind. His jacket had long been shrugged off and cast aside, his tie loosened and shirt sleeves rolled, in an attempt to wipe away the memories of her funeral. The sun shone down around him as if it were mocking him. She was gone. Why hadn't the Heavens opened, why wasn't the sky dark and angry with heavy raindrops falling threateningly down to Earth? He wiped the sweat collecting in little beads away from his brow and allowed his hand to rub over his face, trying to wipe away the emotion. He closed his eyelids against the tears that had come unburdened and unnoticed since the ceremony. He wasn't used to these feeling that were bubbling inside of him, they brought him back to sadder times, flooded him with memories he'd spent years trying to forgot. He thought about Shannon and Kelly, his first wife and his little princess, loved and lost. To ease himself through the pain then he had sought out their killer, but this time he couldn't even do that, Jen had done it all by herself. Leaving the world on her own terms, in a mist of secrets and lies, with recent regrets and heartache hanging over her, and she'd done it all alone. He smiled as he remembered the way she had been. Her stubbornness, her wily ways, her skills in the field, her unwavering dedication to her country and to her team.

**Our love was stronger than the winds of time  
Could hold you longer till the day I die**

**Goodbye  
Goodbye  
**

Goodbye. The expression typically used at partings. Derived from God be with you. Goodbye, he mulled the word over in his head. The word itself had a finality to it that made it a less favoured choice of word than some of its counterparts. He hated goodbyes. He never ended a phone call with goodbye. He never left a room with a goodbye. He didn't do goodbyes. Yet despite this he wished she'd given him the chance to say goodbye. Twice she had left without a goodbye.

**The love songs I wrote, I cannot sing them anymore  
This is all your fault 'cause you walked out the door  
You were my strength, you were my dream  
Love hurts, when it's not what it seems.**

As the sun sank behind the trees and faded beyond the horizon, the sadness and feelings of loss receded and were replaced with anger. She had left. She'd done it once and now she'd done it again. He remembered waking up that morning years earlier knowing that she'd gone. Knowing that when he reached across the bed in search of her warmth all he would find would be a bed cold and empty. Knowing that when he opened his eyes her things would be gone, there would be no note, nothing to suggest she had been anything other than a figment of his imagination except the lingering aroma of her unique scent.

**Our love was stronger than the winds of time  
Could hold you longer till the day I die**

**Goodbye  
Goodbye.**

As day turned to night and a chill crept silently through his body he reluctantly pushed himself from the bench. His emotions had come full circle and he knew that nothing could change - nothing he said or did would change the past, would change her, or bring her back. He had loved her and now he had to say goodbye.


	7. Don't Hurt The Ones You Love

A/N: This was inspired by the song Don't Hurt The Ones You Love by Tose Proeski, a Macedonian pop singer who died in a car accident in 2007. The lyrics are posted below, it's not a song fic so the story doesn't match up perfectly with the story but it gave me the idea so it should get credit where credit is due.

The other inspiration for this story is Elflordmistress, after a discussion about Jenny I wanted to try a fic which portrayed her more realistically. I'm not sure I got it down exactly, but I tried real hard and surely I should get points for effort?

The story is obviously a Jibbs, and is set one year after Judgement Day. It's hard to categorize but I'm going to go with Angst/Romance - with an attempt at some smut.

Anyway please R&R, even is you're not in the habit of reviewing cos I'd really love to know what you think about this one.

* * *

**DON'T HURT THE ONES YOU LOVE**

**Another time another place  
with different voices  
another you another me  
made different choices  
but here we are  
baby you and I  
even if we turned the time around  
we'd make mistakes some way somehow  
and end up where we are right now**

**  
don't you hurt the ones you love  
don't you hurt the ones you love  
eventually yeah  
like a bullet from a gun  
some things can never be undone  
so easily yeah  
with words we'd never said  
or said but never meant  
just as sure as stars above  
you're gonna hurt the ones you love**

**you and I are castaways  
in the sea of silence  
what if help's not on it's way  
and it's all in your hands  
so here we are baby you and I  
sometimes the wind is in your sails  
sometimes you just can't help but fail  
so let's not try to fool ourselves**

**don't you hurt the ones you love  
don't you hurt the ones you love  
eventually yeah  
like a bullet from a gun  
some things can never be undone  
so easily yeah  
with words we'd never said  
or said but never meant  
just as sure as stars above  
you're gonna hurt the ones you love**

**

* * *

**_The sun was just beginning to filter through the gaps in the blinds highlighting the dust particles that hung lazily in the air. He lay on his side his hand propping up his upper half, the crisp white sheet was draped across the lower half of his body leaving his top half exposed. His eyes trailed over her body. Her back was facing him, the sheets were wrapped around her smooth milky skin, but he could still see the dip down her back that followed her spine and the spattering of freckles that crossed her shoulders, obscured slightly by the waves of soft natural curls of golden red hair that fell around her shoulders and fanned out across the pillow, glimmering in the increasing sunlight that was seeping into the room._

"_Don't you have anything better to do than watch me sleep?" she drawled in an amused and sleepy voice. He could picture the smirk on her face and the sparkle in her eyes. _

_She rolled to face him drawing the sheets with her._

"_Morning," she smiled easily._

"_Coffee" he muttered pulling his eyes away from her, ignoring the dip between her breasts that was just visible above the sheet, refusing to allow his eyes to focus on her lips, soft and smooth and kiss bruised from a night of passion. He leaned out of bed fishing amongst the pile of clothes that lay forgotten on the floor before finally grabbing up his boxers and pulling them underneath the cover of the sheets._

"_It's nothing I haven't seen before Jethro" she teased, her emerald eyes playful her voice teasing and suggestive._

_He glared at her whilst he slipped his boxers over his hips beneath the sheets and shrugged them away before getting out of bed, stretching out his limbs; he felt a rush of blood around his body and a light stretch on his muscles._

_He pulled more clothes from the heap that lay on the floor ignoring her steady gaze, looking up only when he heard the rustle of sheets as she pushed herself up to sit and lean against the headboard, the sheet wrapped tightly around her. His eyes bore into hers, and to her credit she refused to look away or blink, they were captured in a moment in time where neither one wanted to be the first to move or look away, to stop reliving the memories of the previous night. Gibbs broke the spell that had encased them as he pinched his sweater from the ground and pulled it over his head._

_If he was startled at her presence before him once the fabric had slid over his head and down his chest he didn't show it. The sheet was crumpled now and wrapped around her in a type of make shift toga, he looked her up and down as if he were sizing her up for a fight, but his gaze lasted just a little longer than necessary and he watched a slow grin spread across her face._

"_Something you want, Shepard?"_

_She reached across and tugged at his sweater, pulling him in towards her, as she did so the sheet, that had evidently been held in place by her hand, slipped away revealing her slim body to him, pale skin flushed with the lightest pink. His eyes widened as she took a step closer into him, sharing his breathing space and invading his senses, her lips brushing against his cheek, her breath tickling his ear as she whispered "You know what I want…Boss" before closing the gap between them closing her lips over his, forcing him to surrender himself to her._

_

* * *

_He closed his eyes against the memories. He sat on the cold hard concrete floor of his basement, leaning against the rib of his boat, nursing a glass of bourbon. His eyes traversed the room, the single light bulb casting shadows across the room, hiding some things in darkness whilst others were spotlighted by the harsh light from the bulb. His tools were scattered around the workbenches, not far flung from the empty toolboxes that lay open surrounded by mugs and jars filled with nuts and bolts. The tape recorder was pushed against the wall gathering dust, the tape that it held from time to time, safely stowed away in a drawer along with his other memories of a past life. Next to it sat his mobile phone drowning in a cold cup of coffee.

It had been a year since her death. So many things had changed since then it was hard to believe that it really had only been a year. In the aftermath of her death and the mess she'd left behind her it had been hard to forget about her and move on, hard to grieve for her when he couldn't find it in himself to quite forgive her actions. As the time had passed, it hadn't become any easier, she was always there lingering in the back of his mind, he understood that she always would be, like Shannon and Kelly. He had tried to set aside the time to grieve properly to allow himself the comfort of saying a proper goodbye but the present had become a more pressing matter and he knew from past experiences that life wouldn't stop just for him. Now one year on, his pent up emotions had found an outlet and he allowed himself to grieve for her, to feel everything he knew he should, to relive the good times and try to forgive the bad.

He hadn't realized how strong a hold she had had over him, right up until the very end, even now she still help a piece of him even after everything she had done. He suspected that he had never stopped loving her. Although he couldn't quite remember the exact point in time he had actually fallen in love with her, the change had been so gradual that it had just crept up on him. She had never asked him to change for her, had never tried to fix him or turn him into someone that he could never be. She had understood him, even without knowing all the facts, she'd accepted that he'd had a life before her but that it was in the past and that nothing she could ever say or do would change it or make it any less important.

He had never said the words to her, never felt he had to, they were so in sync that he just knew she knew. She knew it from the little things he did and she never asked for a verbal confirmation of his feelings. They shared something that was beyond explanation, she was haunted by ghosts from her past just like him and together their two broken souls seemed to match perfectly. And maybe that was why having loved her and knowing that she had loved him it had been so difficult to accept that she'd hurt him. Twice.

He swirled the amber liquid that was cupped between both hands, his gaze lost at the bottom of the glass as another flood of memories swept through him.

* * *

_The night was still dark beyond the shutters but the sun was just beginning to creep up on the horizon creating a dull glow in the world outside their room. The beginnings of another day had started on the streets outside, the faint noises carrying through the air rousing him from his sleep. _

_He rolled over in search of her warm body but found the space she'd once occupied empty and cold. His eyes penetrated through the almost darkness and scanned the room for her. He closed his eyes briefly and forced down the sudden and fleeting disappointment and hurt that had welled up inside of him. Her scent lingered in the air around him and he imagined her there with him, he felt her slim fingers tracing mindless patterns over his skin, felt her hot breath against his back raising the tiny hairs there, heard the steady sound of her breathing. He rolled over onto his side, glancing at the little digits of the clock, glowing luminously and looking slightly blurred. He let out a slow sigh as he climbed out of bed dragging the sheets with him against the cool chill of the early morning air, already and reluctantly knowing that she was long gone. _

_

* * *

_He'd been surprised to find that losing her had hurt almost as much as loosing his family had, had been surprised to find that somehow she'd gotten under his skin, had taken up permanent residence in his mind and stolen a piece of his heart. He knew that nobody could ever or would ever replace Shannon but without knowing it Jen had come in pretty close and it felt like his life had been stolen from him a second time.

He smiled wistfully to himself, he'd never have imagined then that less than a decade later she'd re-enter his life, a whirlwind of power, passion and aged beauty, although given these qualities it should had have hardly surprised him. He had always known that she'd had drive that one day she'd become a somebody. She had shown a rare enthusiasm, had been eager to learn, keen to be the best, had strived on competition and held an unrelenting pride and respect for her country.

The scent of bourbon rose to his nostrils and he smiled, a flickering ghost of a smile that graced his lips only momentarily, as he remembered the first time she'd share his drink of choice. He downed the amber liquid and revelled in the burning sensation that spread down his oesophagus. The sharp pain bringing memories of the day she had resumed a place in his life. Once again becoming a key character in his story, a regular fixture of his life.

* * *

"_Special Agent Gibbs!" he turned and made his way back up the stairs grudgingly admitting that this role suited her, the commanding tone of her voice, one which demanded respect and oozed with authority. "On the job, it is Director Shepard or ma'am"_

_"OK, what about off the job?" he played it off with a hint of amusement in his voice, and tried to keep his eyes from betraying him.  
_

_"There won't be any 'off the job' Agent Gibbs." _

_  
"That's too bad... I missed you Jen." He was surprised at his open admission even though his voice with laced with jest and he watched a flicker in her eyes of something that could be mistaken for hesitation in response and in that heartbeat his mind unwittingly transported him back in time and visions of her coming undone beneath him filled his brain, she sensed the slight change in his demeanour._

_  
"Don't make this difficult Jethro."_

_  
"Fair enough. Won't happen again. Director" The word tasted sour in his mouth, but she'd hurt him once and it'd been a hard fact for him to accept and he wouldn't allow it to happen a second time.  
_

"_We can continue this conversation in private."_

_He felt awkward looking at her, accepting her as Director of the agency, his new boss, as she sat in her office which was impressively furnished opening out onto a magnificent view and which felt disconcertingly like it already belonged to her. He matched her stare for intensity despite his mind being a whirlwind of emotions while the memories came flooding back and ripped open old wounds._

_

* * *

_He had been willing then to forgive her, give her that coveted second chance, an opportunity to start over again. He knew on some subconscious level that he'd never been happy since she'd left and before her he'd not been happy since the deaths of Shannon and Kelly and in his mind that had to count for something. He had watched as a spectrum of emotions had graced her features before she'd turned around to face the window effectively ending something that had never really begun again.

There had been a tension between them those first few weeks that had dissolved gradually until they had fit into a comfortable pattern. He simply ignored his feelings for her and threw himself deeper and further into his work, in the back of his mind he was vaguely aware that she was doing the same, knowing that she would not risk everything she had worked so hard to achieve for him, a man who could never give her everything she deserved.

He picked up the bottle that stood by his side and poured a healthy measure into his glass. His mind glossed over the bombing, his subsequent amnesia and his sudden departure from NCIS, when he'd been the one to walk away from her. It seemed like a lifetime ago, and in a way it was, she certainly had been a different person before then. At the time he hadn't thought about her feelings, how it was all affecting her, he was too caught up in reliving his past, hating himself for his failures. It was only much later when he thought back on it that he realized ignorning her then and missing an opportunity with her had been another failure, the first time she'd let her guard down and opened the possibility for there to be something more for them and he'd swept it away. Hadn't cared that she had been there when he woken, hadn't bothered to see the pain and want in her eyes, and hadn't considered that his pain and suffering might have been almost as hard for her to bear as it was for him. Without even considering the fact that his first marriage and his wife and daughter's murders had been revealed it must have been hard for her.

He released a long sigh his memories slipping a few months ahead in time. When he'd returned from Mexico he had noted the subtle changes in her behaviour, the way she'd slowly became more erratic and dangerous in her actions. It had been the start of that downward spiral to self destruction. He still believed to this day that despite her wrongdoings toward the end of her life she had still held that respect for her country and for her position of power within it. It was just that her hunger for the truth and her desire for retribution had superseded that patriotism. Jen had been far from perfect and as she had travelled that path of vengeance she had lost some of her passion for the job and her love for her people. He had understood that need for revenge, but Jen had become selfish, a liability, she'd put others at risk and used her position of power to further her own personal vendetta. He knew she'd never intended to hurt anyone, would never have survived the guilt if it had been Tony blown up in his car, she hadn't meant to hurt him either, but she had, over and over again throughout the La Grenoiulle saga it had hurt him to see her consumed with guilt but still not being able to stop.

He looked around his basement his bones chilled through, his body surrounded by darkness and his mind consumed by her and he thought how sad it was that you always hurt the people you loved. He wondered if it was because you expected them to forgive you _because_ they loved you. He mulled over the idea that that last night he'd seen her had been a reaffirmation of her love for him and that she had hoped that it would catapult him into forgiveness when she walked into her own suicide mission. After three years, it wasn't what he had expected when he'd arrived at her doorstep bearing gifts of Chinese take out and a bottle of wine. He wondered again if part of her new what was to transpire in LA, if this had been her final goodbye...

* * *

_He wasn't sure quite how they'd reached this point, through all the secrets and after all the lies. He was angry at her, he had wanted to shout and scream and make her sorry for everything she'd done, but the look in her eyes had stopped him because despite it all nothing had changed, not in the grand scheme of things, they were still the same people they had once been and maybe it was this thought that had caused him to find himself tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear and lowering his lips to hers. After so many years it still felt the same as it had done that first time, it sent a bolting shock of electricity through his person and his body tingled in want and in anticipation. It made him feel alive and it made him forget the darkness that had surrounded them the past few months._

_He drew her in close to him, sliding a hand round her waist, coaxing open her lips although she needed little encouragement. He felt her respond as she gave into the feelings she had been suppressing since she'd waltzed back into his life a few years ago. She tugged at his sweater the same way she had all that time ago, pulling herself in even closer to her. He pinned her against the wall and hitched her up around his waist and she wrapped one leg around him and wriggled against him, repositioning herself and he couldn't hold back the groan that escaped his lips as she brushed against his groin. He felt her scramble at his shirt until she finally succeeded in tugging it off. She pressed a gentle kiss at the juncture between his neck and shoulder before looking up at him. Her piercing green eyes communicating with him, at a level that didn't necessitate words. With one hand supporting her against the wall he used the other to swiftly peel back her sweater and he kissed the hollow in her throat as her head dropped back to rest against the wall._

_He trailed a line of kisses up the underside of her throat and over her chin till he met her lips. His free hand closed around her other leg and brought it up join the other one. Holding onto her he began the ascent of the staircase and made his way toward her bedroom. She was planting soft kisses over every piece of exposed skin she could reach and his whole body was alive with sensations. He passed through the threshold into her bedroom and lowered her carefully onto the bed straddling her before proceeding to kiss down her body from her suprasternal notch to the waistline of her pants before he circled her body, she arched into him instinctively as he unclasped her bra and discarded it. He placed a gentle kiss to the valley between her breasts before turning his attention to each nipple in turn until she was wriggling in pleasure beneath him._

_He slowly unzipped her pants, smirking at her frustrated expression and the tiny moans that trickled from between her lips. He slid her pants and panties over her slender hips and threw them over the edge of the bed and kissed her inner thigh as his hands trailed languidly over her waist and hips. Ignoring her hands in his hair that urged him to the place she needed him the most. _

_Lost in the exploration of her body, and marvelling at how it seemed more perfect that it had ten years ago he found himself being flipped over and her dazzling eyes smirking at him from her position above him. She placed an open mouthed kiss on his chest above his heart whilst her hands worked their magic and quickly divested him of his pants and boxers. He felt her cool hands cup his heated length and he bit back a moan of pleasure. She teased him to within an inch of his control before pulling back, a mischievous smile playing across her lips._

_He flipped their positions again and wasted no time in nudging her legs open and settling himself above her. He waited there a moment rubbing against her, testing her restraint, luckily it didn't hold out long as she wrapped her legs around him and raised herself up to him._

_He thrust himself into her and she gasped and clung onto him, her nails leaving crescent shaped indentations in his skin. He paused for a few seconds and she pulled herself upwards and kissed him passionately and he felt like she was pouring herself into that single kiss. He began to move inside her as she met him thrust for thrust. They fell into a rhythm that quickly brought them to the edge and the closer they got the more erratic their movements became. His breathing was becoming ragged, his heart was thumping against his ribcage, he couldn't tell which sounds were coming from her and which were his own, his body was shaking in anticipation and he knew he couldn't hold off much longer. He looked down and she nodded, gasping and wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer towards her again, he felt her coming apart under him and he kissed her neck as she cried out against his skin her breath misting against his cheek mingling with the thin sheath of sweat that covered their bodies. He thrust deeply one final time before he entered into oblivion with her. He collapsed against her and kissed her gently, just brushing his lips against hers. They remained like that for few moments until their breathing returned to normal and the hammering of their hearts subsiding. _

_

* * *

_They had loved each other with a combination of raw emotions, of fiery tempers, sharing their broken lives and broken hearts, overcoming a lives filled with secrets and lies. His body tingled as he remembered that night. If he had known then what he did now he would have ensured that every single second of it was etched into his memory. He had known she was sick; he had known it but was too afraid to admit it, because that would make it real. His feelings for her confused him, his judgement became a bit clouded when she was around, real life seemed to stop and this dream took over, he felt guilty, as if he were betraying Shannon and Kelly. He felt as though he was taking something he didn't deserve and that somebody would take her away from him. In the end someone had, and for the second time she had been the one to leave him. She had taken her life into her own hands, as she always had, she had made her decision and there would be no other way in her eyes. She had died to protect him, but whether it was to protect him from Svetlana and the mistake in her past that had finally caught up with her present or to protect him from watching her condition overtake her body as she deteriorated and the disease stole the person she was, he wasn't quite sure. Naturally he and Franks had spoken about what had happened that day, and he liked to think regardless of what she had said, that she had known that he loved her, and although he never had been able to tell her it didn't mean it hadn't been true.

As the first rays of the early morning sunlight sunk into the basement he thought about Jenny, the eager Probie, willing and ready to do anything he asked of her, with an unwavering faith and belief. Jenny, the friend and the partner, the person who he knew had his six, reliable and honest, and a damn good agent. Jenny, the lover, someone who had slowly began to fill in the gap his family had left; who he knew would take a bullet for him but hadn't been able to stop herself inflicting an equal pain unknowingly onto him. Jenny, the boss, with the business only façade, with only the barest hints of something more when she let her guard down for just a second. He thought of the woman she had become a short time before her death, ravaged by the need for revenge and unseeing in the devastation she was causing to the people that loved her most. She had undoubtedly abused her position as Director without much compassionate thought for those around her once the anger inside her had gripped her body so much that it consumed the very things that made her Jenny.

As he stood up stretching out and raising the glass to his lips draining the remaining alcohol he considered the person that she had become, the mistakes that she had made, the flaws in her personality that showed her darker side he realized that he loved her regardless, that although there was no denying she had hurt him more than once she had helped to shape him into the person he had become. For better or for worse, but he thought of his team and they unconditional faith they had him, they way they instinctively trusted him and knew that he would always be there to watch their backs, he liked to think it had been for the best, that she had rescued him from himself. Sorry that he hadn't been able to do the same in return he blinked back the single tear that threatened to spill over his lashes.

As his cell phone inevitably rang breaking the spell that had surrounded him throughout the night, he found that without realizing somewhere in the process of remembering and of grieving, laying her to rest in his mind, he'd forgiven her, and he smiled slowly as he flipped open his phone, "Yeah Gibbs…"


	8. About You Now

**AN: Ok for some inexplicable reason I had this song in my head all last night and the urge to write overwhelmed and no matter how hard I tried to ignore it it just wouldn't go away. I started writing a sort of tag to Legend (I) and (II) but felt that any Tiva fans who may read this might prefer some fluff, or at any rate something far away from all angst that surrounds the pair on the show at the moment, so basically in an attempt for some fluff I came up with this. It's set after JD but before the events of the current episodes, so kinda AU in a sense. Song is one of the versions of 'About You Now' by the Sugababes. Not that I think you're all stupid but just in case to avoid confusion flashbacks are in italics. Hope it's easy enough to follow, it's been a while since a came up with any insomnia induced stories...**

* * *

**It was so easy that night,**

**shoulda been strong yeah I lied,**

**nobody gets me like you.**

He watched her silently from his desk, admiring her mysterious beauty, watching as her fingers hovered over the keyboard in front of her, and then without ever taking her eyes away from the computer screen she addressed him.

"Have I suddenly grown an extra head that I am not aware of Tony?" she asked, sarcasm and mock annoyance lacing her words.

She looked up and smiled, and he wondered how he could ever have let her go without a fight. How he had let his future be decided for him. How he had allowed himself to be separated from his partner and with these thoughts his mind swirled and took him back to _that_ day.

…"_Officer David, the liaison position with NCIS is being terminated. You're going home. McGee, I'm moving you across to the Cyber Crimes Unit. You'll be working with Officer Holsworth, starting tomorrow. DiNozzo."_

_  
" Sir."_

_  
"You've been reassigned. Agent afloat, USS Ronald Reagan. Pack your bags, you fly out tomorrow. Agent Gibbs. Meet your new team."…_

_The words were still spinning around in Tony's head as he arrived home, the intervening time since then was a blur. He unlocked the door and let himself in, resisting the urge to slam it closed behind him in a fit of anger that threatened to overcome him. His eyes swept over his apartment as he shrugged out of his coat and kicked his shoes off, dumping his rucksack on the floor by the front door. He headed for the fridge and pulled out a cold beer, revelling in the first trickle of alcohol that made its way down his throat as his mind flitted over the last couple of hours again, for the hundredth time._

**I know everything changes,**

**all the cities and places,**

**but I know how I know how I feel about you.**

He suddenly became aware of her watching him patiently, waiting for some kind of reply.

"Just admiring the view" he teased back with his classic DiNozzo smile.

"There'll be nothing to admire with the view you're gonna get when I put you on desk duty for a month it you don't get back to work DiNozzo" Gibbs whispered in his ear after delivering a swift smack to the back of the head.

"Thank you Boss, getting back to work now Boss" Tony rolled off obediently, before bowing his head to hid desk catching Ziva's smirk in the process.

**Can we bring yesterday back around,**

**cos I know how I feel about you now,**

**I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down,**

**but I know how I feel about you now.**

Staring at the paperwork before him he allowed his thoughts to resume from where he'd left them off a moment before.

_Sprawled on the coach, the detritus remains of his evening kicking around the floor beside him; he closed his eyes and rubbed his temples as the picture flickering on the television screen blurred in front of him. A gentle knock sounded at the door, he groaned and reopened his eyes, returning his attention back to Magnum. The incessant knocking became louder and he picked up a cushion to muffle the noise whilst turning up the volume of the TV._

"_Tony?!?" _

_His heart skipped a beat at the voice he'd recognize any where any time sounded through the solid wooden door and somehow permeated through the noise barriers around him. He leapt up knocking a couple of beer bottles over in his haste, stepping on a cold slice of pizza which lay in an open box. Ignoring the tomato paste and cheese lathered on the underside of his sock he hurried over to the door and pulled it open to reveal Ziva standing before him. Ever the picture of reserve and contained emotion to the untrained eye, he noticed the slight puffiness to her dark eyes and the slight shininess of her face, the result of a torrent of unstemmed tears._

**All that it takes one more chance,**

**don't let our last kiss me our last, gimme tonight and I'll show you,**

**I know everything changes I don't care where it takes us,**

**cos I know how I feel about you.**

The day passed without incident and after a slow day of paper work Gibbs eventually gave in and sent them home early. He'd barely noticed the time passing, his mind caught up in his own thoughts all day.

He set about shutting down his computer when he noticed Ziva already packed and ready to go, she said her goodbyes and made her way over to the elevator. He grabbed up his things and raced over to the elevator slipping in before the doors closed, he grinned at her as he swung his bag over his shoulder.

"Plans for tonight?" he enquired, trying for politeness but knowing she would see through it and hear the nosiness.

"Yes actually. I have a date," she replied dryly

"Really? Who with?" he couldn't keep the surprise out of his voice, but hoped that it at least masked the disappointment he knew was there too.

"Are you jealous Tony?" she quipped

"No. I'm just curious as to who would be brave enough to go out with a scary Mossad assassin," he grinned cheekily at her but stepped back as she narrowed her eyes at him.

Suddenly pain shot through his chest and he doubled over as her elbow collided with his ribs. He took a few laboured breaths before easing himself upright again and turning to face her.

"So seriously Zee-vah, anyone I know?" he drawled out her name and watched as she rolled her eyes and his persistence.

"Well he works for NCIS. He can be very annoying at times, most of the time actually, he is constantly correcting my English and quoting movies, but I do quite like him." She shrugged, trying for nonchalance but failing as the smirk spread across her face.

_He stepped back wordlessly inviting her in, noticing the way her frame seemed slightly hunched, how she had somehow reverted into herself in the short space of time since he'd last seen her at the navy yard. He closed the door and leaned against it as he watched her pick her way through his apartment, tracing her finger along his furniture, and over the spine of his DVDs then trailing the walls and jumping the door frames. She came full circle and ended up facing him, her finger continued it's travels - up his chest and finished as she lay her hand over his heart and lay herself against his body._

_He wrapped his arms around her, pulling him closer towards him; breathing in her scent he planted a kiss on the top of her head. She tilted her head upwards her eyes seemed to invade his body through his own and search his soul. He felt vulnerable and he couldn't help but break the connection they held as he averted his eyes from her. _

_In that moment she had laid herself bare to him, she had expressed everything in that single look and now the moment had passed and she pulled abruptly away from him. He closed his eyes as regret washed over; he felt her presence move away from him and the coldness that arrived with her departure from being so close to his body._

_With his eyes still closed, his head leaning against the door, he felt her hand caress his cheek, her skin was soft and her touch was gentle and he dropped his head and opened his eyes to meet her gaze. A small smile haunted her face, a smile that said she knew better than to expect something he couldn't give to her. She stood on her tip toes and the kiss that ensued was nothing more than a slow and gentle brushing of the lips. It was so overwhelming even in its innocence that it was like a charge of electricity running through his body._

**Can we bring yesterday back around,**

**cos I know how I feel about you now,**

**I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down,**

**but I know how I feel about you now**

He stood in stunned silence for a split second, and swallowed hard, pushing down the memories that had consumed his thoughts all day back down into the deepest corners of his mind.

She pulled a DVD from her bag and waved in before his face, she was smiling.

"I thought it was about time we resumed our movie nights"

His hand snaked over and hit the emergency lever and the elevator came to an abrupt halt, the lights dimming and an eerie blue glowing illuminating the small space.

For a moment he just stood and faced her and marvelled at the fact that this incredible woman new him better than anybody else he knew.

He arched his eyebrow, "you _quite _like him?" he took a step closer in toward her, but she stood her ground, her eyes unwavering on his.

He watched as her face contorted momentarily and he couldn't catch the array of emotions that passed through her eyes. She took a step back, her eyes now displaying some sort of steely determination but a glimpse of nervousness, something very _unZivaish. _

"Yes. I quite like him." She agreed and bowed her head and stared intently at her shoes, "In fact I like him a lot but I do not think that he reciprocates my feelings."

He wondered briefly if this was a joke and his eyes swept the inside of the elevator for some indication that it was.

He opened his mouth to speak but found that the ability to formulate a sentence had escaped him, his throat felt constricted and his mouth was dry.

She looked up and he saw that same look he'd seen in her eyes months before, and it transported him back to that night again. That look that were she'd let her guards now and opened herself up to him.

_He felt her hand wrap around his body and clasp around the door handle. He took a step to the side and watched as she looked him the eyes once more before she opened to door and disappeared out of his apartment and out of his life. As the door closed gently, the noise of the television erupted around him shattering the silence that had seemed to descend around him during their wordless goodbye._

**Not a day passed me by,**

**not a day passed me by,**

**when I don't think about you,**

**and there's no moving on cos I know you're the one,**

**and I can't be without you.**

He took a step closer and cupped her face in his hands, leaning across so that her hair tickled his face, he whispered into her, "I think he does, but maybe he's just been dumb, and is only just realizing it now"

His hand lingered on her face but he averted his face his eyes darting between her deep browns, looking for some glimmer or something he was sure he would recognize if he saw it.

She looked conflicted and unsure of herself and he was both amazed and shocked that he was the reason for this transformation in her persona.

"That night, I…" he broke of as she shook her head.

"Don't" she whispered.

Her eyes were closed as though the act would block everything out, as if she thought that when she opened them everything would return to normal.

He ignored the warning intoned in her voice as he took a step closer, effectively closing any gap there was between them so that their bodies where flush together.

"I know how I feel about you now" he murmured against the smooth skin, her eyes flickered open in question, and as they did he brought his lips down on hers.

**Can we bring yesterday back around,**

**cos I know how I feel about you now,**

**I was dumb, I was wrong, I let you down,**

**but I know how I feel about you now.**

He felt her melt into him as her body relaxed. Her lips were soft and perfect against his and he tried to pull her impossibly closer to him. The kiss was soft and sensuous, brimming with finally released emotions that had been pent up and following them for years. The same electricity from the gentle brushing of lips the last time he'd seen her before leaving for the _Reagan_ charged through him again and he felt the connection between their bodies, heightening every sensation. He grazed his tongue across her bottom lip and she parted her mouth allowing him to deepen the kiss. Her arms circled his body, her hands snaking their way up his back and settling in his hair. She pulled away slightly before leaning back to place a chaste kiss to his lips.

She extracted herself from their tangle and looked up to him, her face flushed, lips swollen and a sparkling glimmer in her eyes.

"It's about time" she murmured before closing the gap between them again.


End file.
